So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
