i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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