Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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