Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
