Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
