I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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