I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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