he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
