sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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