If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
