I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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