Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My pussy is not your playground.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
