Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
