ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
