Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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