your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
