I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
