My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
