In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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