I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
