someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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