That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
