I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
