I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
babies were throwing up all over the place
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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