i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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