It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
