No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
