I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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