bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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