Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
