my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
