So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
