So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
