I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
