so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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