Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
