Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
