You just made me feel so damn special
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize