THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
