He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
3 2 1 whiskey
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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