I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
