I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
