Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize