Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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