He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
