i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
