erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The best revenge is premature balding
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
