i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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