he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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