i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
