I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
